Hutu GPS July 3, 2008

Overheard in the back kitchen at a pizza joint:

“Dude, I’m pretty sure that throwing a cell phone into a 500-degree pizza oven voids the warranty!”

I’m pretty sure that guy’d be right. Someone should tell that to the customer who came in just the other day.

The man had purchased a GPS unit from our store a little while back. He didn’t have the receipt, but he’d purchased an extended store warranty that covered the product for a year. The deal was that we would replace the item if it were to break within that year, or, if we no longer carried the item, a similar item would be substituted.

The man complained of problems with unit; namely, it had “randomly” changed the interface language to some unknown language which he couldn’t read. He wanted a new unit so he could start fresh. The associate looked at it to see whether she could figure out how to change it back to English-quite a task, since she couldn’t read a word of the menus. She showed it to another associate, who also couldn’t read it. I checked to see whether I could recognise the language, and at first glance it looked like Portugese, having both cedillas on some c’s and ~ (these things whatever they’re called) above vowels. But it wasn’t Portugese, since it didn’t bear enough resemblance to Spanish. During this whole process, my coworker who had originally tried to fix the device was talking to the man, who insisted that he get a new GPS unit on the grounds that this one was “broken”. My coworker explained that his changing the language to one he didn’t speak was not covered by the warranty.

Eventually, a couple of associates and rather a bit of a headache later, the device was back in English from what it had been before (which one associate thought might have been slang French-huh?) and the customer left with it, not quite satisfied.

Lesson learned: never put your GPS device into Hutu…the warranty doesn’t cover that.

Oh, the Vanity… June 17, 2008

Picture this: a normal day working as a cashier. Where I work, that means I’m not doing much. I’m basically standing waiting for customers so I can ring them up. Here he comes.

Young guy, maybe early 20s. Not bad looking. Got a few items to check out. Here he comes walking through my line.

To me, just another customer. I’ll treat him the same way, with the same amount of respect I did for the 80+-year-old lady who came through a few minutes ago. But to him, he is very different.

In his own mind, this guy is next Mr. Universe, and I should see that. I mean, come on! Am I even a human girl that I’m not slipping on drool at this point? Obviously, to him, I will be falling all over myself to get his attention as soon as I fairly see him and realise that his good looks are enough to make the building explode. All that in his own mind.

He’s so vain. He probably thinks this post is about him.

So he comes up and places his purchases on my counter. He flashes a smile that, to him, is calculated to light up a football stadium. To me, he’s lucky to get a birthday candle to glow. If that.

“Hi,” he says, “how are you?“

“Pretty good,” I answer, “did you find everything ok?”

Another birthday candle smile. “Sure,” he says, leaning against my counter a bit. Oh, for heaven’s sake. He’s posing now.

“Would you like to apply for a store credit card?” I ask, smiling politely.

“No,” he says, smiling again. That smile is starting to get on my nerves, as is the fact that he keeps shifting positions so that I can more clearly see his (un)impressiveness.

Now comes the question: Why, if you are not interested in what I’m trying to sell you (store credit) would you go to all this trouble smiling and posing beforehand? And why, after you’ve declined the offer, would you attempt to continue to flirt with me? Do I not come off as unapproachable enough by the fact that I’m standing behind a counter wearing clothes that are not actually very flattering to me? Are you desperate enough to try flirting with the cashier ringing up your shaving cream, wrench, and Dr. Pepper?

If you’re really that good looking, go find someone who will fall all over herself at the first sight of you. There’s more between my ears than you think. I can help the next customer, please. Step right this way, Ma’am.

The Unpleaseables June 16, 2008

There’s just no pleasing some people. Seriously.

Case in point: the other day I was assisting a gentleman with his purchase of a toolbox from a well known brand name. Pretty normal transaction. Or so I thought.

“Yup, this is a sad day,” the man said. “I hate to see the *********(brand name censored to protect the innocent) name on this piece of junk. Look at that!” he pointed out. “Only one latch where there should be two. And this handle. You always gotta remember that it’s just stinkin’ plastic. If they’d just angle it a little bit further this way, it might actually be stronger. I’d be surprised if this piece of trash lasts a year.”

What I knew that this guy didn’t seem to get was…it was a little plastic toolbox. It was $10 on sale. It wasn’t meant to last forever. It wasn’t meant for ridiculous amounts of tools to be crammed into it and be carried for miles at a time every day. It was plastic, for heaven’s sake.

“Yeah,” the man continued, “I used to use a lot of *********’s tools, before they went to (bleep). They really went downhill!”

I politely asked the man whether he’d like to apply for a store credit card, explaining the promotion attached to it.

“No,” he replied, “I used to have one of your cards. They couldn’t get it right from day one. I went to the headquarters and cut it up in front of their eyes and told them to take a flying leap…” etc.

At this point I realised: this guy was not going to be pleased no matter what I did. He would find something wrong with perfection. And it probably wasn’t a good idea to call his attention too much to the customer service survey on his receipt.

What killed me? He paid the $10 for the toolbox he’d just finished whining about and left the store. I felt like suggesting he go work for that particular tool manufacturer and perhaps improve their tools and toolboxes, thus helping others like himself have better tools. But I don’t think he would’ve taken that well. And I seriously doubt my manager would be thrilled when he’d demand to speak with her about me.

Just another satisfied customer. I can help someone down on register 5!